Subtraction & Experimentation
You find what you want to be & do by (1) removing what is not you, and (2) exposing yourself to what could be you.
Being your self and doing your work implies a high degree of self-awareness and -understanding. It’s a deep and honest grasp on who you are that very few people have. Most of us move through life accepting hand-me-down scripts written by loved ones, our environment, and society at large. We’re zombies, NPCs. Outsourcing our narrative is easier than writing our own screenplay, and a legible life confers comfort, security, and predictability.
But it comes at a cost: we can never know what’s truly available to us and what we’re capable of. Or rather, we don’t see what’s right under our noses. We don’t see who we are because our light has been obstructed by years of socialization and unconscious downloads. Year after year, layer after layer, stories pile up and dampen the light. By the time you’re in your 20s, there might be slivers — fragments of light breaking through to the surface. There’s a glimmer or remnant of some underlying authenticity you can sense, but it’s fractured, incomplete, and wavering.
Neatly enough, the metaphor presupposes the solution: you can only get to the light — what’s authentically you — by uncovering it. You have to grit your teeth, get out your pick and shovel, and start digging, relentlessly and ruthlessly. Along the way you might find memories, feelings, expectations, and desires that you think are core to you. But if you’re honest and they block the light (there’s an intuitive sense of this), then they need to go.
There’s a tendency to try to “find yourself” through more — through addition. More habits, more skills, more content. But you only get to the core through excavation. You have to cut deep. To quote Nisargadatta Maharaj, “To know what you are, you must first investigate and know what you are not.” You are what’s left over after stripping away everything you are not.
But, maybe inconsistently, I’m not sure subtraction gets you everything you’re looking for. Excavation might reveal the light — the source — but you still need something to channel that energy into. It needs a medium for expression and amplification. Where and how do you find that medium? Maybe this is where the metaphor starts to break down, but I think there’s a second — and IMO, simultaneous — process you have to engage in. You have to experiment with mediums — with projects and work that might fit you.
Again, this may seem counterproductive or conflicting given the process of subtraction. But the use of “experimentation” is intentional: these are not permanent layers. They are temporary trial periods with optional long term subscriptions. But ultimately, the only way you know where to direct your energy is when you’ve come into contact with the thing that fits your talents and interests. To do so, you have to apply the scientific method to your curiosity — you have to start with hypotheses about where your talent and interests collide, test them, assess, rinse and repeat.
Naturally, the next question is where to start and how to prioritize those experiments? Here, I’ll defer to Paul Graham: “The way to figure out what to work on is by working. If you're not sure what to work on, guess.” I repeat: guess. But not in a randomized way. You have a sense, or at least inklings, of the things to start with. So, start with those. And then go to variations or adjacent ideas. And if you run out of ideas — or maybe, in tandem — increase your surface area and inputs. Find new people, ideas, and settings. Consume and hone your taste and radar.
Subtraction reveals the light. Experimentation shows you where to focus it.