It's authenticity all the way down
Everything you want is downstream of alignment with "what is"
Everything I want to be and do in life is downstream of proximity to The Truth — to the way things are. The closer I am to The Truth, the more in alignment with it, the easier and better life becomes — the more relaxed, patient, joyful, and “successful.” Things unfold, more timely and more seamlessly.1
Internally, regarding our understanding of and relationship to self, we call this alignment with The Truth “authenticity” (but depending on the context, you’ll recognize it as genuineness, honesty, sincerity, etc).
At the border where our interiority meets the external world, alignment with Truth is what we’d call integrity — or where self-understanding is aligned with external expression and actions. It’s how we relay a (consonant) understanding of self into the outer world.
And the entirety of reality (encompassing us, other people, and everything else) has a fundamental Truth to it. And our incomplete, compressed understanding of reality is represented by maps of “the territory” — models of the universe’s inner-workings.
Collectively, the purity and completeness of our authenticity and integrity, and the resolution of our maps, determine our harmony with reality. The more “in tune” we are, the more beautiful the music.
How do you create a life in better alignment with The Truth? For the purposes of this outline, I’ll just be focused on authenticity (and bleeding into integrity).
Seek authenticity
Relevant quotes:
“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him” — Dostoevsky
“If he who is organized by the divine for spiritual communion, refuse and bury his talent in the earth, even though he should want natural bread, shame and confusion of face will pursue him throughout life to eternity.” — William Blake
“Do yourself this favor … don’t choose anything that would jeopardize your soul” — Matthew McConaughey
“You should have this little voice inside of you saying, ‘Tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth.’” — Tarantino
There’s a trite, shallow interpretation of “be yourself” in Western culture.
People think they already know who they are and just need to reject society and criticism, and become that person. This is represented by sayings like, “do you.” It’s directionally correct, but lacks substance and real understanding.
In reality, most people don’t know who they are because their sense of self is like a compass surrounded by a bunch of closer magnets, distorting their sense of true north.
To find authenticity, you have to shed these weaker signals and tune into that singular one (seemingly) far off, deep inside the depths of your being.
Interrogate who you are, ruthlessly
“Give up all questions except one: ‘Who am I?’ The ‘I am’ is certain. The ‘I am this’ is not.” — Sri Nisargadatta
To shed those weaker signals and really find authenticity, you have to be ruthlessly introspective. You have to question every belief, preconception, assumption, and desire.
Where did they come from? How’d they get there? Are they real and yours? Also see: Who Am I?.
There’s a Latin phrase, via negativa, which means, “by way of negation.” If you dispose of everything that is not, then you’ll be left with what is. It’s a process of elimination rather than accumulation. Keep removing what is not, until only whatever “is” remains.
Also see: Subtraction & Experimentation
How do I know if I am authentic, or at least getting closer?2
Are you following your curiosity?3 It sounds trite and untestable. But like Justice Stewart said, you know it when you see it.
Are you listening to that quiet yet persistent voice telling you to look into something? Not the one that’s externally-motivated or -seeking — but the one that feels less describable and harder to pin down — that one you often try to suppress.
"I want to unfold. Let no place in me hold itself closed, for where I am closed, I am false." — Rilke
How is your energy level? When is it highest? When you’re inauthentic, you expend so much energy trying to uphold a false sense of self – like a 50 pound body suit you lug around everywhere you go. But authenticity is like unkinking the hose in the garden: water runs more freely, and at full capacity. Aliveness, flow. This often follows from engaging and following your curiosity.
What feels natural, like you’re living in your own skin, versus clothing you put on as a cover to keep up appearances? When do you feel like you don’t have to explain yourself, because your actions just are – where you have a transcendental consistency? When does an explanation for what you’re doing feel unnecessary, forced, and fake — like a post-rationalization for something that just needs to be?
Are you honest in your self-reflection? Or said another way, if you did a “self-confessional”, playing the role of both Catholic priest and church-goer, what fakery and dissonance and lies are you confessing? What ways of being do you feel like are inconsistent and you need to “atone” for?
Are your surroundings consistent with your interiority? This starts to get into integrity. Are the people, things, work, etc. you surround yourself consistent with who you say you are and aspire to be? Who and what do you attract with your actions? Are stated desires and revealed actions in alignment?
You see more Truth.
The more honest and truthful you are, the more easily you see fragments of wisdom and truth in the world and in others.
There’s a virtuous loop between authenticity and perceiving Truth in the world: the better you can see it in yourself, the better you perceive it elsewhere. Rinse and repeat.
Generally, there is less stress, anxiety, fearfulness, impatience. There’s a calmness, temperance, and confidence in authenticity.
Conversely, how do I know if I’m being inauthentic?4 A couple pointers, at the micro and macro level:
A fake self reads like the side effect list of a drug: psychological symptoms and neuroses abound. Just a few examples and how to trace them…
Narcissism: Narcissism is a defense mechanism against deep self-loathing: you either know who are and don’t want to accept it and for others to see it, or you’re scared to know and suppress it. In either case, you put up a facade in place of yourself, and preempt true self discovery by obsessively creating and talking about the facade. You can never be narcissistic about your authentic self.
Jealousy: Jealousy is always trigged by a faulty sense of self and want. It’s an example of what Luke Burgis calls “thin desires.” It’s only when we have “thick,” or sincere, desires that we have no room for jealousy.
Self-Doubt: Self-doubt usually comes from a fear of external reception and (in)validation. When you’re authentic, the authenticity itself is enough.
Are you chasing status, power, and money?
When you’re inauthentic, status, power, and/or money are your overarching motivations. You want to “prove” yourself through reputation, (threat of) force, or by showing what you can have, respectively.
Achievements gained through inauthenticity are fragile — like a skyscraper built on sand. With the changing winds of external opinion, and with the authentic self lurking beneath the surface ready to trigger an earthquake at any time, it’s always susceptible to collapse.
External measures of success are a poor indicator of authenticity — there is such a thing as “fake”/misaligned success. See: Andre Agassi’s relationship with tennis. Despite winning eight grand slams, he had a difficult relationship with the game (eg, “My father decided before I was born that I would win Wimbledon. I had no say in the matter.”) Compare that to Djokovic: “I can carry on playing at this level because I like hitting the tennis ball.”
Authenticity is about input alignment — not the output and reception. It’s about pure, unbridled self-expression — not the result.
“You have the right to work, but for the work’s sake only. You have no right to the fruits of work. Desire for the fruits of work must never be your motive in working. (…) Work done with anxiety about results is far inferior to work done without such anxiety, in the calm of self-surrender. (…) They who work selfishly for results are miserable.” — Bhagavad Gita
Authenticity is a purpose unto itself. It’s complete and self-fulfilling. It’s detached from what follows. The alignment is enough.
Russian mathematician Grigori Perelman once declined both the Fields Medal (the most prestigious award in mathematics, only given out every four years), and the $1,000,000 Clay Institute prize for solving the Poincaré conjecture, saying, “If the proof is correct then no other recognition is needed.”
In summary, there is only one sin, and it is falseness. Authenticity..
Is freedom. You’re free once you fear being fake more than being real.
Is purpose. It’s whole, complete, enough, in and of itself.
Begets truth. The more you are true, the more you see and come into alignment with truth. It’s self-reinforcing. Life flows more naturally — it simply is.
Shoutouts: Henrik Karlsson for playing sparring partner, Defender for reading and giving feedback on an early version, Dylano for the Dostoevsky quote that was the watershed moment, and Anu Atluru for pushing me to release in an unfinished state. Also lots of others who shared quotes and clips that I can’t attribute retroactively.
Caveat: There are no “shoulds”. Authenticity may not be for everyone. Ironically, the risk may be to great. If you desire comfort, security, and survival — if you fear not living in accordance with social norms, if you fear pushing back against social pressure, if these are things that you worry about — then living authentically is not for you. You have to overcome those fears and concerns and want to be authentic more than you are in accordance with those external measures of conformity, comfort, and security. It’s not for those who prioritize safety or ease above all else, because authenticity often involves vulnerability, risk, and the possibility of standing apart from the crowd.
You can only take the appropriate next step in life with the requisite self-knowledge and self-trust—with fully knowing and being yourself—with authenticity and atunement to that sense of true self. When you’re authentic and listening to that inner voice, you can “feel” the next step. When you’re inauthentic, you’re left asking, “What would someone else do in my situation?”
There’s an open question or debate — and possibly tension — between “purpose” and what you’re “meant to do”—that thing you’re uniquely suited for, built to do. Is it something you get to choose or create for yourself, or is it something that comes from The Supreme / The Void / God? Is it chosen for you, and you have to find it, express it, and channel it? Or is it a dance between the two, co-created based on how life unfolds and the situations you encounter? I lean towards a combination of the two: we’re engrained with a unique receiving pattern, and we’re vessels for a message from the other side.
Of course, “Self” is contextual, multi-variate, moody, and dynamic/ever-changing. Can you truly be 100% authentic in all contexts? I’m not sure. In either case, even if you try to be, there are at least tradeoffs.
"In reality, most people don’t know who they are because their sense of self is like a compass surrounded by a bunch of closer magnets, distorting their sense of true north." I love this
This is so good. Just what I need to hear to stay encouraged and walking down the path I’m on.
Love the “unkink the hose” metaphor, that’s exactly what true inner alignment feels like